"Like, no parent would say, 'I can tell I love my daughter because I believe certain things about her.' That's not how love works. First John 3:18 says, 'Let us not love with words and speech but with actions and in truth.' Loving a kid means cleaning up vomit and holding your tongue when they're fourteen and think you're the enemy." -- Daniel Fusco in "Upward, Inward, Outward: Love God, Love Yourself, Love Others"

In 2020, I did a quick study through the Psalms. Before re-reading Psalm 88, I found and watched this video by Lawrence Turner about its author, Heman. He called the sermon, "Heman the Ezrahite: The Darkness is my Closest Friend." These are my notes.
----------------------------------------------

Mr. Turner said Heman is his "unsung hero" because he gave no pretense of all being roses in his spiritual life. Like others in the psalms, Heman recognized that we all go through "seasons" in our spiritual lives..."working through seasons in our soul, and God is here for us in all seasons." [Turner]

Turner said it is like Heman sat down and pondered, "Is there a gap between the goodness of the God that I sing about and give thanks to and my actual experience of God in my everyday life? Of course God is good, but all the time?"

Turner explained the three types of psalms (or even stages within one psalm):
1) Song of Orientation -- Descriptions of God; thankfulness. (Psalm 8:1)
2) Song of Disorientation -- When we walk into the dark night of our soul; when God APPEARS to be uncaring, distant, asleep. (Psalm 88)
3) Song of Reorientation -- Our problems are resolved. We are restored after having troubles. (Psalm 30:1+)

Heman was the grandson of Samuel the prophet; the chief percussionist; temple choirmaster in the time of Solomon; the king's seer; a Levite and singer; and, he had 14 sons and 3 daughters who "were under the direction of their father for the music in the house of the LORD, with cymbals, stringed instruments, and harps, for the service of the house of God. Asaph, Jeduthun, and Heman were under the authority of the king. So, the number of them, with their brethren who were instructed in the songs of the LORD, all who were skillful, was two hundred and eighty-eight." (1 Chron. 25:6-7) [I, Batel, underlined "Jeduthun" because Bible dictionaries say that is probably "Ethan the Ezrahite" that wrote Psalm 89. The Bible dictionaries also mentioned that both Heman and Ethan/Jeduthun were known as wise men; not as wise as Solomon, but still known to be sages.]

Turner emphasized that Heman was so wise that he sometimes knew "Doubt and Faith hold hands." He continued, "He knew the difference between honest doubt and skepticism. Honest doubt is inevitable in our spiritual lives. We will have periods of a lack of assurance. Skepticism is a negative attitude that delights in attacking God or the Church or in finding problems where there are none." Heman was not a skeptic. He had honest doubt and sang about it in the Temple.

Turner said our modern worship doesn't look like that. It isn't our modern way of worship, but it is the Biblical way. The Psalms acknowledge the seasons of a soul or even a nation/people:
"Why, LORD, do You foresake me?"
"Give thanks to the LORD."
"Darkness is my closest friend."

Look at Psalm 44:1, then 9+, then look at verses 17 and 23.

"Doubt is not the opposite of faith. Doubt is faith searching for answers." -- Lawrence Turner

Look at Psalm 13: Disorientation then moves into orientation.
Look at Psalm 22: Begins with honest doubt but ends in praise "because it began with questioning."

"Don't jump right into the hallelujah." If you don't feel it, talk it out with Him so you can end in praise naturally.

[This happens for me in my writing and prayers so often. -- Batel]

From 12/07/2020 Journal Entry:
All quotations from Paul Wilbur, unless otherwise noted.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Last night and this morning, I watched Paul Wilbur's 11/23/2020 "Restoring the Foundation" video. He talked about how, when he was in theatre, he could memorize pages and pages of script, but had a hard time memorizing even one line of Scripture. He realized he was getting spiritual "pushback" preventing him from "eating really good food" (Bread). So, he stuck with it. It became easier and easier. He said it even became addictive. So, stay with it. He said, "I can sing every word to every song of my favorite groups from [his] youth." He said replacing those with His Word has worked.

He suggests memorizing Psalm 138:3 --
"When I called and you answered me, You emboldened me in my soul with strength." (LEB)
"On the day I called, Thou didst answer me, my strength of soul Thou didst increase." (RSV)

He said that the more he memorized, the stronger he became. He sometimes memorizes Scripture for 2 hours per day. God will open up opportunities for you to further His Kingdom.

"You will get pushback whenever you mention the name of Yeshua because there's another kingdom that is at war, before the beginning of time, that is against our God, His Kingdom, His ways, and His Word."

"Be BOLD in your testimony. Your personal testimony. Your experience, the enemy has no weapons against. Your experience with the Presence of God, your joy, your peace, what He has given to you in your relationship with Him. The enemy has no argument for THAT! It is really powerful!"

Revelation 12:11 RSV -- "And they overcame him by the blood of the Lamb, and by the word of their testimony; and they loved not their lives unto the death."

"As you enter into this [New] covenant, in the blood of our Messiah, there is a testimony, those two together are a strong tower. They're like the two pillars holding up the porch of the Temple where you go in to worship. The power of your personal testimony, your experience with the Presence and power of God and the blood of the Lamb which has surely cleansed you, washed you, and brought you into a covenant with Him, these two strong pillars hold up that porch and give you entrance into the Holy of Holies."

He goes on to talk about the fruit of your life -- what is produced from your gifts and talents is part of that testimony.

"We have a good reason to be bold. The joy of the purpose of our lives. Yeshua taught us to pray. Your Kingdom come, on Earth as it is in Heaven. We're expecting that Kingdom to be manifest in us. Then, we're designed to leak. This is not just for me; we are conduits. That's the Kingdom. And, the joy of being able to see the fruit of what God has given to you manifesting in the hearts of others, it's encouraging!"